Freedom of Sexpression

Everyone deserves the right to celebrate and explore their sexuality in their own way. That's what this blog is about - making your own choices about sex, respecting other people's decisions about sex, and making responsible and safe decisions about sex if or when you choose to have it.

the sex ed guide your parents didn’t give you

lilypotterr:

(Source: lilypotterr, via fixyourwritinghabits)

the sex ed guide your parents didn’t give you

lilypotterr:

(via daxterdd)

marcy-thevampirequeer:

I think I’ve reached a whole new level of anger about virgin-shaming

  • there is absolutely nothing wrong with you if you haven’t had sex by a certain age
  • it’s okay if you don’t feel ready or simply don’t want to have sex
  • or if you don’t feel comfortable engaging into physical contact nor are interested
  • it’s your body and you decide what you want to do with it
  • don’t let yourself feel pressured or shamed into having sex
  • there is nothing embarrassing about being a ‘virgin’
  • if you want to have sex but you haven’t meet anyone with whom you’d share a mutual willingness to do this it’s perfectly fine to wait
  • don’t be afraid of being ‘unxeperienced’ because if someone makes fun of you they don’t deserve you anyway
  • your sex life is none of other people’s business
  • don’t let yourself think your unwanted or unnatractive because you are beautiful and you’re allowed to love yourself and damn the world doesn’t revolve around sex and having/not having it doesn’t determine your worth
  • the whole concept of virginity is kind of sort of really fucking stupid

(Source: folksofletters, via whoneedssexed)

thesexuneducated:

holisticsexualhealth:



Rebloggable Version

You are an amazing human. There is nothing that will ever happen to you or that you can do to ever change that- ever. You are considerate, thoughtful and utterly perfect. Don’t let anyone, yourself included, tell you any different.
I just had to get that off my chest, first.
The truth is, having herpes can suck- and in the beginning, just the knowing, in and of itself, SUCKS. More than the symptoms, more than an actual expression, the knowing and the over-thinking is absolutely handsdown the worst part of the diagnoses.  The feelings you are feeling? They are important and common and the mourning and sense of loss often needs to occur, but don’t let it linger.
Please read more here about Shame and Herpes and don’t just think of the bad things you bring to the table, think of all the amazing things that you have to offer. You are not a diagnosis, a series of letters attached irrevocably to your name. You are a complete, amazing and wonderful human with a fuckton to offer and anyone who can’t see past HSV simply isn’t meant to be with you.
As far as HSV goes, for some it can actually be a kind blessing in disguise, it sounds utterly counter-intuitive but hidden-albatross (one of many amazing herpes blogs on tumblr!) says it perfectly here:
hidden-albatross:
I take into consideration my daily activities and how it affects my health. As the saying goes, what you do everyday means a lot more than what you do once in awhile. Because herpes slightly suppresses one’s immune system and the likelihood of an expression increases when one is stressed, it is really important to keep in mind how I treat my body. What I eat, how much I exercise, how stressed out I am, etc. Before herpes, I never really paid much attention to my body; know I am a lot more aware of what is going on.
My dating life is more well thought of. Usually when someone becomes diagnosed, their first consideration is the fact that no one will ever love them. That is not true. Definitely not true. If someone really loves you, they’ll accept you 100%. If it wasn’t for the herpes, I would have gladly stepped into a relationship even if I knew the guy was either bad for me or was a complete douche-bag. However now having herpes, I have to take into consideration someone else’s health. If this person is a good person, is logical when it comes to arguments and whether or not they’ll accept me after the fact.
Herpes allowed me to accept the ideals that I thought were wrong. Before I was diagnosed, I had thought that only sluts/whores (which are terrible sexist terms by the way) had/got herpes. Of course, that is not true. The herpes simplex virus can be transmitted via physical touch, not just being intimate with an individual. It also allowed me to re-evaluate sexism in society and the lack of proper (health) education that individuals have. Herpes made me realize how inconsiderate and closed minded I was. Now, I am definitely a lot more accepting of others and willing to understand the irrational victim-blaming syndrome.
Now I’m not stating herpes is amazing and that everyone should get it just ‘cause. But I just wanted others to understand that herpes isn’t so bad. It really is all about acceptance, understanding and patience with one self.

Earthwindandherpes goes on to echo that sentiment and I’m here to tell you personally that past the initial devastation? Past the countless hours tracking the  #herpes tag on tumblr and sobbing, or becoming enraged with every new ‘I hope you get herpes’ adage, I pressed on to become a happier healthier human and you will too.
Herpes makes you take better care of yourself and be more picky. It weeds out those who just want to fuck and fuck with you, for whom anyone would do,  to those who truly love you as a whole and complete human and are willing to take that risk because you are 110% worth it.
For me and I think many others out there in tumblrland, HSV was the catalyst which initiated my love for safer sex and sex positivity for everyone. It can make you empathetic and hyper-aware of the devastating lack of good information out there and the misinformation floating around everywhere. Other people are talking about HSV for you, speaking from a place of fear or ignorance or a history of being lied to. You don’t have to let them speak for you.
There are so many myths about herpes.
One myth includes one of my favorites- lil baby things. And guess what? You can definitely have kids with an HSV diagnosis!

The fact is:Many people living with herpes give birth to healthy babies. However, if you have herpes it is important for you to let your healthcare provider know so he or she can monitor you for symptoms. If at the time of your labor you have any sores on your cervix, vagina, or the skin around your vagina, or if you’re experiencing symptoms like tingling or burning, your provider will recommend a caesarean section to prevent transmission of the virus to your baby. If you don’t have any symptoms, you can safely have a vaginal delivery.

As far as medication goes.
I personally took a holistic/alternative medicine approach, but Planned Parenthood is AMAZING as well for anything from treatment to lydocaine shots to incredibly important emotional support as well. 
Planned Parenthood Upper Hudson:

I’m under 18 and I don’t have insurance. Will I have to pay for my visit?Most uninsured minors, and many students over 18, can use our health centers for free, either by qualifying for a no-pay rate on our fee-scale or by signing up for a free health insurance program here in our office. (Click here to read more about the program.) We can’t guarantee all services will be free in all cases, but we will do everything we can to make sure you can get the services you need.
I have insurance, but it’s through my parents. Will they find out about my visit?Different insurance companies have different policies, but many send home an explanation of benefits (EOB) that list visit details. The best way to know for sure is to call the customer services number on the back of your insurance card and ask. If your insurance company does send out an EOB, and confidentiality is an issue, UHPP can often help you sign up for free, confidential coverage in our health center. Click here to learn about the programs, coverage, and eligibility, or call (518) 434-5678.

This is from Planned Parenthood in Upper Hudson, so please make sure to check here for a local Planned Parenthood and Here for a family planning clinic in your area .
As for slut-shaming?
It happens. But your sexuality is no one’s business but your own, and anyone who tries to oppress or suppress the fact that you are a beautiful, sexual human being (much like we all are) is speaking from a place of shame, ignorance or displaced morality that has absolutely nothing to do with you. Anything anyone has to say about things that don’t affect them? It’s typically them reciting the dialogue they tell themselves, it’s sad, but don’t be scared of them.
Understand that they’re just scared. Scared of how strong and awesome you are to express your sexuality despite having to deal with more than they might have to. Scared of your ability to possibly see through them. Scared that your existence might change them. Scared that your ability to get past whatever shame they hold onto somehow speaks volumes about them, but it doesn’t.
Don’t concern yourself with the shame of others. Work on you, be in the moment. Take care of yourself shamelessly. Love yourself without limit, even when you don’t feel worthy, even when other people might tell you you don’t deserve it. Even when it seems selfish and self-centered and absolutely uncomfortable.
You can think in the future about this amazing child, that exists only in your mind’s, future and health, but put yourself first. Realize how caring and thoughtful you are, but how detrimental and draining it truly is to worry.
And your parents? 
They can know when the time is right. Which will be exactly when you’ve told yourself you can handle it or when you truly need the support. Parents can be an great asset and addition to your team and if you believe that they will be, by all means let them, but if it is better for your health to not stress yourself out then it is not your responsibility to tell them.
If you choose to inform them, tell them that you were diagnosed with HSV and it sucks and you can understand if they need time to digest it for awhile but you are dealing with it as best you can and you are looking to be at peace. Anything they have to add to your quest to love yourself again is much welcome, but you have already tore yourself apart enough and you have no more room for anyone else’s shame.
Do it somewhere private with an easy escape route and, if you think that they are going to explode or cause you further pain- end the conversation.
It is not your responsibility to justify yourself as a being worthy of unconditional love to them, and furthermore, it’s not your responsibility to enlighten them. You know them best and as you’ve said they are closed-minded, be open to the idea of them astonishing you with love and acceptance, but be prepared to shut the door on any shame they want to pile on.
Herpes attacks often when you are stressed out, when your body cannot take anymore assaults to your immune system. Remember that always. That unnecessary stress, more than you need or can handle, it simply is no longer worth it.  Herpes gave me this beautiful gift of a zen attitude because I know my body cannot handle my affinity for self-loathing and taking on too much.
Invest in yourself. 
Learn the Secrets of Self Loving and quiet your mind to thoughts of everyone else’s feelings and needs and think about yourself.  Put on your own oxygen mask first, because you need it, because you’re worth it.



amazing

thesexuneducated:

holisticsexualhealth:

Rebloggable Version

You are an amazing human. There is nothing that will ever happen to you or that you can do to ever change that- ever. You are considerate, thoughtful and utterly perfect. Don’t let anyone, yourself included, tell you any different.

I just had to get that off my chest, first.

The truth is, having herpes can suck- and in the beginning, just the knowing, in and of itself, SUCKS. More than the symptoms, more than an actual expression, the knowing and the over-thinking is absolutely handsdown the worst part of the diagnoses.  The feelings you are feeling? They are important and common and the mourning and sense of loss often needs to occur, but don’t let it linger.

Please read more here about Shame and Herpes and don’t just think of the bad things you bring to the table, think of all the amazing things that you have to offer. You are not a diagnosis, a series of letters attached irrevocably to your name. You are a complete, amazing and wonderful human with a fuckton to offer and anyone who can’t see past HSV simply isn’t meant to be with you.

As far as HSV goes, for some it can actually be a kind blessing in disguise, it sounds utterly counter-intuitive but hidden-albatross (one of many amazing herpes blogs on tumblr!) says it perfectly here:

hidden-albatross:

  1. I take into consideration my daily activities and how it affects my health. As the saying goes, what you do everyday means a lot more than what you do once in awhile. Because herpes slightly suppresses one’s immune system and the likelihood of an expression increases when one is stressed, it is really important to keep in mind how I treat my body. What I eat, how much I exercise, how stressed out I am, etc. Before herpes, I never really paid much attention to my body; know I am a lot more aware of what is going on.
  2. My dating life is more well thought of. Usually when someone becomes diagnosed, their first consideration is the fact that no one will ever love them. That is not true. Definitely not true. If someone really loves you, they’ll accept you 100%. If it wasn’t for the herpes, I would have gladly stepped into a relationship even if I knew the guy was either bad for me or was a complete douche-bag. However now having herpes, I have to take into consideration someone else’s health. If this person is a good person, is logical when it comes to arguments and whether or not they’ll accept me after the fact.
  3. Herpes allowed me to accept the ideals that I thought were wrong. Before I was diagnosed, I had thought that only sluts/whores (which are terrible sexist terms by the way) had/got herpes. Of course, that is not true. The herpes simplex virus can be transmitted via physical touch, not just being intimate with an individual. It also allowed me to re-evaluate sexism in society and the lack of proper (health) education that individuals have. Herpes made me realize how inconsiderate and closed minded I was. Now, I am definitely a lot more accepting of others and willing to understand the irrational victim-blaming syndrome.

Now I’m not stating herpes is amazing and that everyone should get it just ‘cause. But I just wanted others to understand that herpes isn’t so bad. It really is all about acceptance, understanding and patience with one self.

Earthwindandherpes goes on to echo that sentiment and I’m here to tell you personally that past the initial devastation? Past the countless hours tracking the  #herpes tag on tumblr and sobbing, or becoming enraged with every new ‘I hope you get herpes’ adage, I pressed on to become a happier healthier human and you will too.

Herpes makes you take better care of yourself and be more picky. It weeds out those who just want to fuck and fuck with you, for whom anyone would do,  to those who truly love you as a whole and complete human and are willing to take that risk because you are 110% worth it.

For me and I think many others out there in tumblrland, HSV was the catalyst which initiated my love for safer sex and sex positivity for everyone. It can make you empathetic and hyper-aware of the devastating lack of good information out there and the misinformation floating around everywhere. Other people are talking about HSV for you, speaking from a place of fear or ignorance or a history of being lied to. You don’t have to let them speak for you.

There are so many myths about herpes.

One myth includes one of my favorites- lil baby things. And guess what? You can definitely have kids with an HSV diagnosis!

The fact is:
Many people living with herpes give birth to healthy babies. However, if you have herpes it is important for you to let your healthcare provider know so he or she can monitor you for symptoms. If at the time of your labor you have any sores on your cervix, vagina, or the skin around your vagina, or if you’re experiencing symptoms like tingling or burning, your provider will recommend a caesarean section to prevent transmission of the virus to your baby. If you don’t have any symptoms, you can safely have a vaginal delivery.

As far as medication goes.

I personally took a holistic/alternative medicine approach, but Planned Parenthood is AMAZING as well for anything from treatment to lydocaine shots to incredibly important emotional support as well. 

Planned Parenthood Upper Hudson:

I’m under 18 and I don’t have insurance. Will I have to pay for my visit?
Most uninsured minors, and many students over 18, can use our health centers for free, either by qualifying for a no-pay rate on our fee-scale or by signing up for a free health insurance program here in our office. (Click here to read more about the program.) We can’t guarantee all services will be free in all cases, but we will do everything we can to make sure you can get the services you need.

I have insurance, but it’s through my parents. Will they find out about my visit?
Different insurance companies have different policies, but many send home an explanation of benefits (EOB) that list visit details. The best way to know for sure is to call the customer services number on the back of your insurance card and ask.
If your insurance company does send out an EOB, and confidentiality is an issue, UHPP can often help you sign up for free, confidential coverage in our health center. Click here to learn about the programs, coverage, and eligibility, or call (518) 434-5678.

This is from Planned Parenthood in Upper Hudson, so please make sure to check here for a local Planned Parenthood and Here for a family planning clinic in your area .

As for slut-shaming?

It happens. But your sexuality is no one’s business but your own, and anyone who tries to oppress or suppress the fact that you are a beautiful, sexual human being (much like we all are) is speaking from a place of shame, ignorance or displaced morality that has absolutely nothing to do with you. Anything anyone has to say about things that don’t affect them? It’s typically them reciting the dialogue they tell themselves, it’s sad, but don’t be scared of them.

Understand that they’re just scared. Scared of how strong and awesome you are to express your sexuality despite having to deal with more than they might have to. Scared of your ability to possibly see through them. Scared that your existence might change them. Scared that your ability to get past whatever shame they hold onto somehow speaks volumes about them, but it doesn’t.

Don’t concern yourself with the shame of others. Work on you, be in the moment. Take care of yourself shamelessly. Love yourself without limit, even when you don’t feel worthy, even when other people might tell you you don’t deserve it. Even when it seems selfish and self-centered and absolutely uncomfortable.

You can think in the future about this amazing child, that exists only in your mind’s, future and health, but put yourself first. Realize how caring and thoughtful you are, but how detrimental and draining it truly is to worry.

And your parents?

They can know when the time is right. Which will be exactly when you’ve told yourself you can handle it or when you truly need the support. Parents can be an great asset and addition to your team and if you believe that they will be, by all means let them, but if it is better for your health to not stress yourself out then it is not your responsibility to tell them.

If you choose to inform them, tell them that you were diagnosed with HSV and it sucks and you can understand if they need time to digest it for awhile but you are dealing with it as best you can and you are looking to be at peace. Anything they have to add to your quest to love yourself again is much welcome, but you have already tore yourself apart enough and you have no more room for anyone else’s shame.

Do it somewhere private with an easy escape route and, if you think that they are going to explode or cause you further pain- end the conversation.

It is not your responsibility to justify yourself as a being worthy of unconditional love to them, and furthermore, it’s not your responsibility to enlighten them. You know them best and as you’ve said they are closed-minded, be open to the idea of them astonishing you with love and acceptance, but be prepared to shut the door on any shame they want to pile on.

Herpes attacks often when you are stressed out, when your body cannot take anymore assaults to your immune system. Remember that always. That unnecessary stress, more than you need or can handle, it simply is no longer worth it.  Herpes gave me this beautiful gift of a zen attitude because I know my body cannot handle my affinity for self-loathing and taking on too much.

Invest in yourself.

Learn the Secrets of Self Loving and quiet your mind to thoughts of everyone else’s feelings and needs and think about yourself.  Put on your own oxygen mask first, because you need it, because you’re worth it.

amazing

Resources on sex & disability

princessnijireiki:

Disability and Sexuality Resources

queerfatfemme:

Super great list!

takebacksexuality:

I have been doing some research on sex and disability, and thought I would share some of the links I have found. This will be useful for me in the future as a resource, and hopefully to others too.


Disability and Sex General Links

(Source: , via thebicker)

I have figured out a few things (probably):

  1. Sexuality is fluid.
  2. Sexual fluidity varies in viscosity for different people.
  3. If you identify as something, it doesn’t matter who you’re dating/have dated/have never dated. You are who you decide you are, and nobody should be able to tell you otherwise.
  4. Don’t make assumptions about other people’s sexualities. I don’t care if you know a boy who has been in a three-year relationship with another boy. He might not be gay (or even a he).
  5. Not a lot of people have it all figured out. As I’ve shared my personal confusion, a lot of people have confided their own struggles to me as well.
  6. Living in a binary-obsessed society is the pits.

So go out there and make out with whomever you please. Or with no one at all. Your call.

thescurfofworse:

little-mourning-magpie:

insaneandproud:

little-mourning-magpie:

insaneandproud:

transgenderteensurvivalguide:

tuckingandotherskills:

How to make homemade breastforms

Just some resources for my transfeminine/trans women followers!

It’s interesting because as a transguy I don’t even know what transgirls have to go through in order to pass. 

That’s because neither do most trans women because of transmisogyny. There are no resources for us. Trans men get access to resources and support that we do not.

I haven’t even realized that before. Thank you for opening my eyes to this issue. It’s very sad though. I mean… I don’t even know what to say. Definitely reblogging every time something that might be useful for trans women shows up on my dash!

cool that is a good thing to do. also i would appreciate it if you would submit them to tuckingandotherskills as well so we can get the word out!

HEY YEAH this is a thing - trans men get binder giveaways and feminist sex stores that cater to their needs. they get trendy top surgery fundraisers and art shows and shit. i mean THESE ARE ALL GREAT THINGS. but “resources for trans* people” needs to stop meaning “resources for trans* masculine folks”! OK THAT IS ALL CARRY ON AND THIS POST IS ALSO GREAT.

(via whoneedssexed)

Sexual Arousal

damegreywulf:

  • What is sexual arousal?

image

Sexual arousal is the process your body goes through when you desire sexual activity, either in general or with a specific person or persons.

Physical changes occur as a result, and these are: the production of lubricants by the genitals; the swelling of the genitals; the flushing of various body parts including but not limited to the genitals, the chest, the face, and the neck; increased heart rate; the lengthening and loosening of the vagina; and more.

It’s not an instant process! It can take people with penises up to 30 seconds or more before they are sufficiently aroused (usually gauged by stiffness of penile erection and wetness of the tip of the penis), and a few minutes or more for people with vaginas before they are sufficiently aroused (usually gauged by wetness of the vulva and vaginal willingness to penetration). It can take much longer, too! How long it takes varies by person and by situation, and certain factors can make sufficient arousal take longer than usual (such as medications). Totally normal and okay.

This makes foreplay imperative. For some people, being only half aroused is good enough to start with sex, but for most people, full arousal is needed before sex can be enjoyed, if we define sex as genital-to-genital or genital-to-anal contact. While this is easily understood by people with penises (most would not try to penetrate with only a half-erection), many people with vulvae find this a hard pill to swallow due to societal expectations of them and the bad picture porn paints of sexual activity. Those interviewed and surveyed often admit to engaging in penetrative sex before they are fully ready either because they felt too embarrassed to ask for more foreplay, because they felt pressured by their partner, or because they were not aware of nor paying heed to  their bodily needs; because they put their bodily needs second and felt that is how it should be. This is the sad result of the patriarchy. But if that happened to you, it’s okay! People make mistakes and you absolutely can not be faulted for bad teaching or simply not knowing what to do.

Coming back from that little tangent, yes, foreplay is important. It’s totally okay to take as long as you need OR to make foreplay all the sexual activity you do. Foreplay has a broad definition and so often it winds up being all a couple or group does for sexual activity. This is totally fine and also totally normal.

The longer the foreplay, the better! Longer foreplay makes sure you’re absolutely ready for sex and additionally makes orgasm come more easily as well.

  • How do I know I’m sufficiently aroused?

The best way to know is to try to have sex and see if you either feel any pain or otherwise have difficulty with it. It’s totally okay and normal to start to have sex, but then go back to foreplay because you or your partner is not quite ready.

Sexual activity is not an escalator going only one way! You can back up and redo any part of it you want, especially if that part made you feel extra good. You absolutely do not have to just keep escalating what’s going on. Sexual activity does not have to end in sex. Sexual activity can jump around between different activities, including or not including sex.

Remember to keep up communication with your partner(s). Let them know how horny you are, listen to how horny they are. Sex talk is fun and helps you and them learn about each other’s likes and dislikes.

  • What about orgasm?

Sexual activity does not always need to end in orgasm, it’s just really super nice when it does.

image

However pelvic congestion can happen as a result of delaying orgasm too much, and it can be very painful (but some people like that!). Additionally, people with penises can experience a phenom called “blue balls” in which pelvic congestion from lack of orgasm over a certain period of time (differs per person!) causes pain in the testicles. Congestion pain can be difficult to relieve as stimulation can sometimes exacerbate the pain.

But don’t let that pressure you! Stress and anxiety about orgasm is the number one killer of orgasms. It’s really hard to feel sexually fulfilled when you’re constantly worrying about it, ya know?

  • So what is an orgasm?

An orgasm is an usually-pleasurable build up of sexual feelings and pelvic tension that is discharged. The discharge can be instant or last a few minutes, and this time varies by person and situation.

Orgasm isn’t one-size-fits-all - many people experience them differently. Though there are some telltale physical signs that you’ve had an orgasm, which include but are not limited to: genital twitching/movement; ejaculation*; feelings of relief; breathlessness; flushed skin; the need to vocalize; and so on.

(*Ejaculation and orgasm are not the same and do not always occur with each other. You can have an orgasm without ejaculation, and you can have ejaculation without an orgasm. However ejaculation may provide the same sense of relief an orgasm does because ejaculation is a buildup of sexual fluids in the prostate.)

  • How do I orgasm?

As I said, orgasms are not one-size-fits-all, so this is a very difficult question to answer. The most accurate answer is to just play with yourself, find what feels good, and keep doing that.

However, there are some basics you can try that will set you on the path to discovering your body.

image

If you have a penis - stroking, vibration, or pressure on the frenulum is one place to start, as it’s the most sensitive part of the penis. But some people who are circumcised no longer have this part, and additionally those who do may find stimulation of it to be too much. Totally fine! You can try the head of the penis instead. The head of the penis tends to like pressured and enveloped stroking, so using your foreskin or your whole hand is a good place to start. If you have inner foreskin, this can also be a place to explore.

If you have a vulva - everyone talks about the clitoris, but did you know the clitoris is more than a “little button” at the top of your vulva? In fact, it’s pretty big underneath the skin! So this makes stimulation anywhere on the vulva a possible avenue. However, starting with the clitoral glans or shaft is the basics. Not everyone enjoys penetration, but rubbing the vaginal wall beneath your urethra (where the prostate is located) can be pleasurable, too.

Orgasm definitely has a lot of mental effort put into it as well. If you’re just mindlessly jacking off, it will be difficult to reach orgasm. Mental investment into what you’re doing or affection to your partner(s) helps significantly.

  • What’s the refractory period?

This is the time immediately after an orgasm. For many people, this is a sudden drop in sexual feelings, arousal, and desire. They may be completely unable to respond to any more stimulation or stimulation may be painful at this time. This time can be anywhere from a few minutes to an hour. How long this time is depends on your health, age, experience, and how your orgasm was (for example, a prolonged orgasm can result in a longer refractory period).

  • Does being aroused/having orgasm(s) equal consent?

image

Absolutely NOT.

Arousal and orgasm may require some mental investment, but the body will respond to stimuli whether we want it to or not. It may be more difficult to orgasm under the circumstances of sexual abuse or assault, but it can happen, and it doesn’t mean there was any real enjoyment. It’s totally possible to orgasm without pleasurable feelings (I’ll talk more about this phenom in a minute).

Consider that many people laugh when under significant stress or anxiety. This doesn’t mean they are comfortable or enjoying their situation, it’s just their body’s response. They probably don’t want to laugh, especially since it can send the wrong message or even endanger them further, but it happens whether they like it or not.

Additionally, some people orgasm from anxiety. This is an actual thing that has been medically observed especially in cis men; many times, premature ejaculation/orgasm can be attributed to nerves (though this is not always the case - more on that later).

  • So what was that about orgasm without pleasure?

In consensual situations, this is called a “ruined orgasm”. It can happen on purpose or on accident. Your body doesn’t always experience orgasms pleasurably. Sometimes it’s painful or you don’t feel anything at all. How is that possible? Well, again, mental effort does go into orgasms and this is especially so to make them pleasurable. If you’re distracted, in danger, or experiencing too much stimulation, your body can change how your orgasm feels.

  • Now what was that about premature ejaculation?

This is just a quick side note.

Premature ejaculation is what happens when people with penises orgasm and/or ejaculate too soon for their partners or themselves. It’s totally normal, but frustrating.

It can happen for multiple reasons. Your medication, your circumcision status, your mental health, your physical health, your age and sexual experience, all these can contribute to this. In my experience, the most common cause for this is nerves - either being too nervous or being too excited.

image

Decreasing stimulation can help. Use condoms or use thicker condoms.

More foreplay can help. Foreplay eases the tension of sexual activity.

Getting better exercise can help, especially Kegel exercises that help strengthen the pelvic floor.

Time can also help. Laugh off the slip-ups and just keep trying, and over time premature ejaculation can become a thing of the past.

But you don’t have to stop sexual activity after ejaculation/orgasm! It’s so totally okay to keep up with sexual activity even after you or your partner has “finished”. “Finished” is a silly euphemism because it implies you’re all done. But you don’t have to be, especially if one of you isn’t “finished” yet.

  • Okay, but what about multi-orgasm?

Well! There are a few different definitions about multi-orgasm.

One definition is that it is the experience of multiple orgasms at one time. Another definition is that it is the experience of multiple orgasms sequentially within a few minutes. Another definition is that it is the ability to quickly recover from the refractory period and orgasm again within a short amount of time.

Some people can do only do one of those defined, while others can do more than one, while others still can’t do any of them. Totally okay and normal on all accounts!

How do you do it? Depends on which definition you’re trying to achieve. But they all begin with: practice.

For definition one, practice using a lot of good stimulation at once. As much as you can! Definition two, the practice I hear that is most often effective is bringing yourself to the brink of orgasm multiple times, but not orgasming, before you finally let yourself do it (this can also work for the first definition). For the third, general sexual activity as well as improving your health can possibly shorten your refractory period.

Oh, and a neat thing I learned about people with penises and multi-orgasm: if the one you’re trying to achieve is the first or second definition, you may need to train your pelvic floor. Ejaculation often occurs with orgasm, but you can “hold back” your ejaculation, which prolongs your orgasm or increases the amount of orgasms. However this can be painful if you wait too long before you ejaculate and also trying to “suck in” your ejaculate can lead to infections of the urethra or prostate. So be careful and train your pelvic floor well!

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That’s about all I have to say on sexual arousal and orgasms. Hope you found this information helpful and informative! I’m open to questioning, but you should also check out these resources;

(via whoneedssexed)